Thursday, January 8, 2009

Seven-thirteen

Street numbers. They are marvelous things second perhaps to street names, but still. They are badass. They are brilliant. They are so frickin' useful. When I do not know the exact location of a destination, I find out the physical address. Why? So I can use that to navigate. I know this sounds like a big-red-truck issue, but apparently it is just beyond many people.

I am so glad to be back at work after 5 consecutive days off *insert sarcasm here for those that aren't good at picking up on such things*. Let me tell you. Stoked out of my godforsaken mind. My excitement compares to how I feel about going to my annual gynecologist appointment or perhaps getting a speeding ticket. Yeah. Thankfully the week seems to be flying by. However that is due to the fact that I am rather busy and we have lots of traffic in and out of the office. This 'traffic' would be people with appointments to discuss the prospect of filing bankruptcy of course. In the past four days I have decided that if you are too stupid to find our office, as it is not difficult to find, you lose your appointment. I give you one lifeline- you can call once to have me help direct you further, then that's it. Now I know this sounds harsh, and I would probably make some exceptions for people not from Knoxville perhaps, or the elderly. Maybe not. Reason for this new Mariah-rule is that I have had several appointments call for directions. Like I said- is relatively easy to find, especially if you are familiar with downtown. If you aren't, most people know the location of Henley Street and Gay Street. If you don't, I can help you and will be more lenient. However, if you get yourself to Market Street, on which we are located, and I say "We are at 713 Market" and you want me to continue to explain further, I will not. I do not know where the 'big, red brick building' is or 'the bank'. Why? Because there are several big, red brick buildings and banks in the vicinity of the office. Also because if you are on Market Street and I tell you the building number (which is conveniently carved into the building itself and easily viewable) you should be able to navigate just fine. At 800 Market? Look at the building to the left of 800. If it is higher than the number 800, don't walk that way. WALK THE OTHER WAY. And chances are, if you are looking at 800, you might want to cross the street as well. I know- that one is an advanced move apparently.

I actually told a woman today to look at the building numbers and hung up on her. I'm sorry. But you are a special breed of retarded if you are on the street you need to be on, can see building numbers, can READ, and still cannot find your way to your destination. I have no patience or compassion for you. At all. You idiot.

On a totally different note, Boca Chick'n sammiches are the shit. Slap some mayo on them and a tomato and holy-crap-balls... that junk is good. However I am curious as to how they get the 'Chick'n' to resemble chicken. And how the top part of the bun stays soft and fab after microwaving and cooling, but the bottom half gets hard as a flippin' rock. No joke. It crunches and crumbles and is just odd. I would be worried if the sammich as a whole wasn't so damn good. Maybe that's just due to the amount of mayonnaise I put on it. We all know how I feel about them thar white condiments. Proceed with comments discussing my objectionable eating habits, if you wish. Don't fucking care =)

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