Two of our clients - correction, one of our clients and a (thank god) former client - have what I believe to be mail-order brides. Yep. That's right. They bought wimmenz over the intrawebz fer lurvins. The first client, who is no longer a client (again, thank god) had a wife from Africa. Yep. She didn't speak a lick of English and he sure as fuck couldn't speak a lick of whatever she spoke. He was super, read: SUPER, weird and I am so frickity frickin glad he is no longer of our concern. She, however, sounded pretty cool. I couldn't have pronounced her name to save his life (meh) but she owned a hair shop. Like weaves and braids and shit. Yeah. She was gen-u-ine. I never met her but kinda felt sorry for her, because I knew her spouse was the main reason. But I mean really - this guy was annoying, not attractive, whiny and just a bundle of sketch. So having a PIF werman wouldn't surprise me, mainly because I could not imagine any woman in her right mind wanting to be with him willingly. But hey, maybe I'm wrong.
The second client under suspicion is a new fellow. I like him even less than the first client. He's just one of those people that I dislike for no real reason. Okay, that might be a bit of a lie. I dislike him for a few reasons. 1. He always wears the same thing. I've seen him like 4 times and he's always wearing the same. Damn. Thing. 2. He nets $650.00 a week. A WEEK. And is needing to file bankruptcy because he's shitty with money. His mtg payment is low. He was stupid and bought 2 older vehicles and is paying out the ass for them because, again- he is stupid. If he managed his money properly, there would be no need for him to file at ALL. 3. He reminds me of my ex's cousin Kyle. I hated Kyle. He was a know it all, all 5'4" and 400lbs of him. I'm not shitting you. He was never wrong and he often spoke to hear himself. And he did this in a very annoying and loud manner. He also threw cans of olives at his mother's husbands' truck one Christmas and pushed his Nana down to the pavement in an effort to fight his brother, who is about 5'10" and 165lbs of Adonis. Just. Saying. So the fond memories I have of Kyle are all resurrected with this wonderful client. And he talks about shit I don't care about instead of answering questions I ask. That's annoying too. IN SUMMARY, those are plenty of reasons for me to dislike the man as a person. Anyway... I ask him about his spouse and her income. He said she makes nothing and he's had to spend 'THOUSANDS [exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, one, one]' to get her into the country... wait. Whoa. Whoa whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. This is not my Batman glass, sir. I'm thinking you have NO redeeming qualities- but you do have a teenage child. So it makes sense- someone to care for the offspring. This man is from my hometown actually as well. So I'm also thinking, you are not taking exotic trips and meeting fabulous people- you are surfing the internets and buying women. I think this because that is how my fucked up mind works, and let's be honest- it makes SENSE.
The second client under suspicion is a new fellow. I like him even less than the first client. He's just one of those people that I dislike for no real reason. Okay, that might be a bit of a lie. I dislike him for a few reasons. 1. He always wears the same thing. I've seen him like 4 times and he's always wearing the same. Damn. Thing. 2. He nets $650.00 a week. A WEEK. And is needing to file bankruptcy because he's shitty with money. His mtg payment is low. He was stupid and bought 2 older vehicles and is paying out the ass for them because, again- he is stupid. If he managed his money properly, there would be no need for him to file at ALL. 3. He reminds me of my ex's cousin Kyle. I hated Kyle. He was a know it all, all 5'4" and 400lbs of him. I'm not shitting you. He was never wrong and he often spoke to hear himself. And he did this in a very annoying and loud manner. He also threw cans of olives at his mother's husbands' truck one Christmas and pushed his Nana down to the pavement in an effort to fight his brother, who is about 5'10" and 165lbs of Adonis. Just. Saying. So the fond memories I have of Kyle are all resurrected with this wonderful client. And he talks about shit I don't care about instead of answering questions I ask. That's annoying too. IN SUMMARY, those are plenty of reasons for me to dislike the man as a person. Anyway... I ask him about his spouse and her income. He said she makes nothing and he's had to spend 'THOUSANDS [exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, one, one]' to get her into the country... wait. Whoa. Whoa whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. This is not my Batman glass, sir. I'm thinking you have NO redeeming qualities- but you do have a teenage child. So it makes sense- someone to care for the offspring. This man is from my hometown actually as well. So I'm also thinking, you are not taking exotic trips and meeting fabulous people- you are surfing the internets and buying women. I think this because that is how my fucked up mind works, and let's be honest- it makes SENSE.
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